My Eyes, This Land

My eyes, my eyes they see
Strength in lonely empty places.
This land, this land I see
Will not fold when love displaces.

My eyes, my eyes are steel and ocean
Twilight sky before the stars.
This land, this land is open
To cuts that wound but cannot scar.

Set my eyes to the land,
Heart of steel, heart of waves,
Eyes of sky filled with winter mist,
The sun will shine on that which craves.
Oh sun, oh sun, come be.
Oh sun, come be with me.

My eyes, my eyes, they see--
Looking out on lonely places,
this land, this land.
All they see are lonely faces.

Set my eyes to the land,
Heart of steel, heart of waves.
Eyes of sky filled with winter mist,
The sun will shine on that which craves.
Oh sun, oh sun come be.
Oh sun, come be with me.

Necessity

Oh, Necessity calls her name
out in the hills--
In the dark they seem so foreign.
Oh, Necessity calls to fame
the heart that wanders
through dark hills before the morning.

Oh Necessity, do you see it?
Hope is rising in the dawn
and wild hills are no less wild.
Necessity, she does not speak it.
But if you would see her face,
she could only be Morning's child.

1 Thessalonians 5:5
You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to darkness.

Magdalena

I wrote this poem a while ago, but I'm just now getting around to posting it. I hope you enjoy it!

Shadows take over slowly,
dripping into your heart of hearts,
leaky faucets of poison, steaming sulfur.
And the sun sets slowly if you let it.
You might call me a girl of shadows;
my life is mine,
but my eyes are not my own.

The first one came, sneaking and deceiving,
with yellow teeth stained from centuries of lies.
Stabs into my heart had already scarred,
so I let him in, to tell me I was beautiful again.

Memories flash like lightning,
but I could still see the girl running,
the wind blowing grass around her feet,
the blending shades of sky into sea,
and the intoxicating scent of being free...

and then there were lies,
whispering the memories into dreams.

Hurts piled on pain,
corpses piled on more,
as loss and heartbreak ruled again.
So I let them in, one by one,
to forget about the life I had undone.

Shadows took over slowly,
dripping into my heart of hearts,
leaky faucets of poison, stealthy sulfur,
and the sun sets slowly if you let it.
You might have called me a girl of shadows.
My life was mine,
but my words were not my own.

Spewing, spitting, vomiting the blackness.
Hatred, bitterness, revenge,
dribbling out from between my lips,
Lust, jealousy, self-pity, pride.
Success came--in pushing everyone away,
but no, I was never alone.

And then he came,
and he swept me away,
for he cast the darkness out of me.
And I felt them jerking, and kicking, and screaming,
and hating, and lying, and gasping.
But I felt a memory, of grass and wind and sea,
and I knew that this man was what it meant to be free.

Free from my demons, at least.
But I was empty, and cleaned and gutted house,
home of a broken past and a taste of hope.
So I followed, and I knew
that I would follow this man to the end of the earth and back,
if he wanted me to.
So I followed.

I followed him to the ends of my world,
and I heard him.
I heard the things he said,
and I thought, "Surely not, I cannot survive,
should this Man die."
But I followed.

And I watched this Man,
my Messiah, my rescuer,
die.
And I could not save him.
I could not do anything.
I could not pay him back, for what he did.
I could not say one last goodbye.
Or thank you.
But I watched him,
I watched him suffer and love and die.

But I tried.
I tried to do anything.
Spices and fragrances,
knowing it was all in vain.
I could not say I'm sorry,
and I could not move the massive rock, like death,
that would stand in my way,
mocking me, my failure, my inability...
but it was gone, and so was he,
so I stumbled away,
hardly daring  to believe.

But then he came,
he was there,
and he rescued me,
from me.
And he told me I need not worry,
he would always be with me,
and I would never again be lost and alone,
and one day soon, I'll be following him home.

So My Heart Yearns

The mystery of you clings to me, 
I cannot seem to see you
and my heart yearns
and my soul turns to reach you.
Fingerprints and echoes of a love
beyond my small capability to know,
I hear your voice sometimes on the wind.
Before it fades, I finally understand my longing.
Can it be I miss what I have never known?
But this is deeper than a dream,
for my heart yearns
and my soul turns to reach you.
Oh heaven, an eternity, seems just out of reach, 
But it is there I wish to be.
I need to have you
To more than this fleeting degree.
I know what you have seen, 
and I see what you have done,
so my heart yearns,
and my soul turns to reach you.

The Whisperer

This poem is about surrendering to God, which is a lesson I learn over and over, in a really good way.

The first thing to go is my sight--
my eyes are useless,
and blackness surrounds me.
The darkness engulfs me
and bores into my eyes
as strongly in as my eyes seek out.
No light to be found.
The next is my pride,
and I'm forced to my knees,
fingers grasping, anxiety rising,
until I can feel my bones.
I can feel my bones,
and I think they may be fading.
I'm in a cave and I'm fading
and my heart cries out through my mouth,
but my words, they're gone,
they've disappeared
and taken half my heart alongside them.
And my heart is broken,
literally, it seems,
right down the middle between
the words and me,
and their empty ghosts live on
in my heart
with their memories I cant remember
anymore.
And the silence engulfs me.
My hands seek flashlights
to bring them all back--
all the hopes and dreams and songs.
I grasp one in my feeble hands--
and I can feel my bones,
I think they're fading.
But I push a button and a light turns on,
so dim, so slight,
it pains my eyes,
and I think I have an answer.
And so I look for more light,
if there's any to be found.
And what I find are flashlights,
making yellow circles for my eyes,
and I can see them, for a while.
But battery life only lasts so long,
before i'm dead,
before my bones fade away.
I feel my fingers being pried slowly
from my only source of light.
But of course, what I meant was life,
because it's sustaining me. Barely.
But before I can worry
about my life draining my light,
it's gone,
and my light is smashed to pieces
by a hand I did not see coming.
One by one, my yellow spots are stripped from my grasp.
Stripped and smashed.
Stripped and smashed.
and my unseeing eyes cannot cry,
and my misplaced pride cannot lift me off the ground.
And my words,
my words cannot come back to me now.
The silent darkness haunts me again.
Oh, but I can feel.
I can feel my bones,
they've been fading for a while now,
and as strongly as I can feel them fading,
I can feel someone here.
But I'm lost and at a loss at what to do.

Tiny whispers start to work their way
up the walls and down again,
rippling across the floor
and one hits me in the foot,
but I can't hear it.
I can feel the whispers rising;
all around, I hear them gather--
creeping first like fog
to swelling like waves
with ocean white foam at the crest,
I hear.
I hear the whisper,
and it tells me of a hand to hold.
But darkness bores into these eyes of mine,
and as for hands, I can't even see my own.
Yet hopes rise,
and my bones can feel their tremble,
and I need to find my whisperer.
So limbs flail, darkness seeming bigger
than the swelling of the whispers,
until I hear, "Be still." So quietly,
I cannot be sure.
But I cannot find anything this way.
Still louder, Be Still
So I stop. I stop all.
My bones may be fading,
but I hold out my hand
and the whisperer tells
as the whispers still swell,
"I found you."
And as my hand waits,
fingers begin to entwine,
and light like new life
begins to unwind and unveil
and spin and spiral,
until not just mere spots appear,
but I've never seen before now.
and my whisperer, he speaks into me as I stand,
"I won't ever stop finding our open hand."
Words and promises roll over me,
through every pore in my skin.
I am whole, I am ready,
I can see once again.

The Storm

I have seen a storm
that ignites--the spark
in my eye
and makes my blood. pound.
in. anticipation.
A wind-whipping, tree shaking,
God-empowered storm
where you stand
      beneath
a grief stricken sky
and your tears run red
for everything you couldn't stop.
and yet,
the power of the storm
demands every emotion
uncompromisingly, without yield,
knowing that in the storm,
God reigns.

Pyromaniac

I am a pyromaniac--
I'll set us on fire,
just to watch it all burn,
and I'll smile to myself.
My path is devastatingly haunted
by the wake of a hurricane of insecurity,
and the aftermath of a forest fire,
set by my tongue.

I sit surrounded by the destruction I made,
and I run my fingers through the past,
combing through,
certain of the uncertainty of finding anything worth holding,
if I could,
if the ashes weren't caught in me,
choking me,
making me unable to breathe.

I watch my history in scenes rewinding,
I see my screenplay burning
before my eyes, dry from heat and ash.

But my Lord cannot bear to hold my sin,
he cannot hold to see,
and so he sent his beloved son to hold,
his beloved son to see,
his beloved son to become,
and even now in me
he sifts to find
a remnant to be beautiful again.

He will rake beauty out of the scenes I burned,
out of the buildings and bridges I burned to dust;
he will sift beauty from the pile of ashes I left,
and quench the fire of my tonge.
He will create life within me over and over,
and death will not set fire to my bones and skin;
it will have no hold on my heart,
and my eyes on fire will water ashen cheeks
until a remnant of beauty grows in life once again.

Redemption and restoration are held out to me,
and though I know I am rotting away,
burning slowly in my own ash,
I find that my name is being called,
and my hand is being drawn,
and my hope is rising.
So I reach out,
and when my fingers touch the edge of His cloak,
the decay of my heart falls away,
and the ash that became a part of my blood
turns over and fades;
and so from the ashes I created,
I am given the beauty He made.

When I was Small: a poem of my testimony to Jesus Christ

When I was Small

When I was small,
and my heart was open wide
to love and all it had to offer,
I heard of a love that died for me
and rose again to make me whole,
that I might never feel unloved.
and so I sat cross-legged on a pink covered bed,
and knew this love,
this love could not be beaten—
and welcomed in a Savior
to fill me once and for all.

When I was small
I then knew to do right,
because of what was done for me,
and how my Savior lived.
and so I did right
until it became who I was.
and no one knew that I was loved,
mostly because I never told them
that they were loved too.
so while I hid behind invisible barricades of doing right,
it was held against even me
that I forgot my First Love.

Yet when I was small,
I saw Him wherever I went,
and I did not want to escape;
in the sorrows of loneliness
I looked around a playground
and saw no friends.
But I saw Him there on a blue swing set,
for though I had forgotten his love,
he remained, remaining in me.

So when I was small still,
I remembered my love,
and how He ransomed me from Death himself,
and had told me to come after him,
promising beauty.
and staying where I was,
afraid of finding that Beauty might look
different than beauty,
I had not moved, yet lost my way.

But when I was small,
what I discovered under the cover of a printed book
was that I could be like Him,
and He lit my life on fire.
And I yearned to burn so brightly for Him my Savior.
I searched and sought, and found him
wherever I went,
and kept dangerously quiet.

And so when I was small,
there was a lack of noise,
and slowly it became filled with voices
that whispered that I was alone—not quite,
but nearly alone,
and I saw what they called love,
and what I could do to get it,
so I tried (to be myself?)
and tried. (to be someone else)
and tried. (and failed)
somewhere, I knew that God was there,
and he had someone for me to be,
if I would just be with him,
but at moments it was said of even me,
that I forgot my First Love.

When I was small,
he began to refine me, for he did not forget.
through fires of truth,
lies burned away,
revealing something underneath I never knew could be there,
and I could dance.
I could move my feet, and I could dance.
The shackles melted away like wax,
lies that told me to compare
and pull out hairs on my head
until I had the same number as everyone else.
and my feet moved to the rhythm of freedom
and the melody of grace.

When I was small,
he continued to refine me
and I found that my lips were burned
with a holy fire and I could smile
with the light of sunshine on snow, full of joy,
until the world around me knew
that the One who Loved,
loved in me,
and I continued seeking, seeking

and I learned I was small, so small,
and he spoke to me and said:
“They will be called the Holy People;
The Redeemed of the Lord.
And you will be called Sought After;
the City No Longer Deserted.”
And I knew from the beginning,
it was not my small seeking that mattered,
but the one that sought me out
when I had turned again and again,
and he had not stopped seeking
and he will not stop seeking.

And then, when I was small, he told me to speak,
and I said, Lord, but I’m afraid.
And he reminded me of
when I was small,
and how he had been there, all along,
and gave me sweet sustenance
and whispered love songs
in the midst of bitter winds,
so I spoke,
and I will keep on speaking.

And when I am small,
I know he will be with me,
for he has never let me down.
And he will forever be my Love,
my First Love, my True Love,
and no one will say I forgot.
and momentary darkness may come
intimidating with noises and echoes of despair,
but I will cling to Him with any might I have,
for they are nothing when I am with Him.
For he is great,
when I am small.

On the Floor

Sitting in a big stone room,
I watch and wait for something
to come and tell me my future.
I wait for the heavens to open
and for God to tell me
my dreams will all come true.
But instead all I heard
was the voice that said "Die
to yourself and give your heart to me."
Stunned, I sat back,
and tried to excuse myself
from beng uncomfortable.
But then I knew, what I really had to do.
So I start pulling a never ending string
from my heart of joys and pains
I never knew were there
and dumping them on the floor,
and I'm afraid that if I pull too much longer
my heart will break.
But I keep pulling,
and You surround me when I'm broken.
so You met me there
when I was broken on the floor
and pulled and pushed together
all of the directions I wanted to run.
And I found that in the quiet,
all that I had within me was a song
so I sang
with my arms lifted high
and I could feel my heart moving up
into my fingertips until an empty mess
rested in the palms of my hands,
and I asked you to take it.
take it.
take it.
and make it new, redeemed, healed,
burning, and I can feel it burning,
my chest is being ripped apart.
I can see it, my heart,
the way it was meant to be.
Glowing, on fire,
free.

Perch

Perch
My heart perches on the edge of a couch,
uncomfortable with silence
desperately wanting to be filled,
So my heart sighs, and leans back just a little,
resting in moments passed and already gone,
until I am restless and anxious,
resting in stagnation,
until I can’t breathe,
and every atom within me longs to fly.
When I look down, my eyes are opened
to everything in motion all around me and in me
I realize that I’m already flying
on wings that are absolutely divine
so I perch now on the edge of a cliff.
toes curled and knees bent, anticipating
and jump off the edge in to beautiful exhilaration
and I’m alive again.
I think I forgot what it felt like to breathe
in Love in every breath,
but I have tasted what I have not seen,
and I’ll long for more and more.
like an addict never satisfied,
I’ll give more than I have.
They’ll call me crazy, but I know
what waits for me
after I’m done waiting for everything
and jump off my perch in a tree,
just a small twig
that couldn’t have been comfortable
except that I knew it was there,
waiting to break.
But I think I forgot what it felt like
to hear freedom in branches breaking
and crashing down below me
as everything I’ve ever done is left
falling with the weight of insecurity
and slipping away with guilt that kept
its slimy fingers clamped around my throat.
and when I find that I have a voice,
it cries out Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
I will praise the One who saves
all of my days,
Hallelujah all of my days.

Facade of Ages

It's days like these,
the cloudy ones
where the wind blows through my sweater
and makes me shiver, but maybe
not from the cold.
The world holds us down,
pinned under the weight of a thousand pains.
This town tells us to stay.
And we know that if we could,
we would all just run away.
It's days like these where I can
See it in the streets,
reflecting in the windows of the shops,
not meeting my eye,
in the wooden pew,
in the other room.
Facades like a giant masquerade,
smiling, happy faces,
covering wretched grimaces of broken love,
just trying to escape.
And I can see,
we all just want to run away.
To where will you run?
In what corner of this dark world
will you take your final comfort?
In the midst of thunder, lightning, winds
that rush around me,
in the face of the Facade of Ages,
I feel whispered lies, spoken
so gently into my ear, so sweetly
I'm sick, broken, on the floor.
Yet it will be Love that holds me here,
Love that turns my determined countenance
to the storm, set in stone,
rooted and unmoved.
It will be Love like magnets
that draws my broken pieces back together,
moving in fast forward
to the silhouette of a killing cross,
on which the Son of Man suffered
for Everlasting Love
until I'm whole,
until Love's arms are the only thing I can find
into which to run.

Over Me

1 Samuel 2:1
Then Hannah prayed and said:
"My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
There is no one holy like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God."

Over Me

God, you are everything.
You are jealous for my heart,
and so I give it all to you.
As Hannah once prayed,
there is no Rock like our God.
There is no one
that can dare compare to your love,
for it cannot be tamed
and your mercy falls in torrents
over me.

God, you are everything.
You are more real than anything I know,
and so I surrender my heart.
You think I am beautiful,
and you delight in me.
There is nothing
that can ever destroy your love,
for it is made of everlasting design
that this earth cannot comprehend.
And you place your love over brokenness,
over me.

God, you are God of all.
You are holy and steadfast, mighty Lord.
I will give all to serve you,
for you have laid down all for me.
There is no one besides you,
there can be no other Love I own.
Your grace catches me every moment,
and you have placed your everlasting hand
over me.

HOLY SPIRIT

I think that lately, God has been trying to teach me about the Holy Spirit, and I love it. In September, I was reading through John, and was really struck by some verses about the Holy Spirit, and then when I finished, I randomly decided to read 1 Corinthians, where God really pointed out the verses about his Spirit, and then last weekend in Iowa, much of what we talked about was about being filled with the Holy Spirit, which is talked about in Ephesians. So, here are the verses that have been on my heart lately!

John 14:16-19
"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever--the Spirit of truth. the world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him, but you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you will also live."

John 15:26-27
"When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me. And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning."

John 16:8-11
"When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgement; in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me; in regard to righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; and in regard to judgement, because the prince of this world now stands condemned."

John 16:13-15
"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you."

1 Corinthians 2:10-12
"The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us."

Ephesians 5:15-20
"Be very careful then,  how you live--not was unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Love Eternal

The other day, I was doing homework and feeling rather unmotivated to finish my paper, so I decided to go on a walk, and read and have some time in God's word and in prayer. And this is what God gave to me, so I wanted to share it with...whoever reads this.

Love Eternal

"Tell me your secrets,"
my Lord calls out,
"your heart is full of beauty,
I love you without doubt,
and would you but reveal
to me the depths of your longing,
I'd fill you with Love Eternal
and a knowledge of belonging."

Oh, the love of a Savior
conquers all fear,
sets me on fire,
and stays me here.
In the arms of Love Eternal
I am, finally me,
and there is one thing I know:
I was blind, but now I see.

How I tried to conquer
the darkness on my own,
but found that more surrounded,
the more I was alone.
In a crowd of the unwanted,
the diguised, and abused--
in the midst of drowning, heard,
"There is no flaw in you."

Oh, the love of my Savior
conquers spreading fears,
heals a wounded heart,
and stays me here.
In the arms of Love Eternal,
beautiful I can be,
it is the only truth I know--
I was blind, but now I see.

In the arms of Love Eternal,
I was blind, but now I see.

I found my inspiration from two places in Scripture, John 9 and Song of Songs 4:7. The love of Christ for us washes away the lies that the world wants us to believe, the lies that tell us that we aren't good enough, not strong enough, not beautiful or not "cool" enough. The Lord want us to give our hearts to him fully, to rely on him fully, trusting in him with the deepest parts of our hearts, with our fears and our insecurities. We can't do it on our own; we end up more alone and more confused than we were before. But putting our trust in the Lord never fails. I hope this was as encouraging to you as it was to me!

*also, this poem was written by me. please don't copy it without permission. thanks!

WOO it's been a while...

Well it's no longer summer, which means that maybe the name of my blog doesn't really fit anymore. Maybe I'll change it. We'll see. It also means that it's been over a month since I've updated this thing...which is not good. It's not what I intended, anyway.

I don't think I'll try to update every detail of what I've learned since August, but I've learned a lot! A lot of things are different now too! Like school. Which is taking over my life. And Ekklessia (house church), which is taking over my heart. God really is doing such incredible things relationally in our house church and I'm so excited to see how much more he does even this semester! I think we've really grown together as friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, which is really incredible to me. Basically, I love it.

I've been reading a lot lately about how the Lord is the light of the world, but the world is filled with darkness, and darkness doesn't understand the light. It's strange, but I've read about this twice in the past few days in two completely different places in the Bible.

First one, John 1:3 says, "Through him all things were made, without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

AND Isaiah 60:1-3 "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn."

The brokenness of this world breaks my heart, and I can see and feel the darkness all around me in my classes, in my town, in the church, everywhere. As sinful humans, we really can't escape it. But how amazing is it that the Word says that the Lord rises upon us? He has given us life that is the light of men, Jesus, and yet we still have not understood it. And yet God chooses us. He loves us, and cherishes us, and reveals himself to us. And all we must do is believe and be changed.

So in the midst of everything crazy, I guess I'm just holding on to the fact that I'm saved from the darkness of this world, and must arise, and shine, so that others can come to the brightness of His dawn.

That's all I've got...now I have to actually go do my homework. Go figure. :)

Love and peace!
Jen

Crazy Times and Lessons in Humility

Well, clearly I haven't done a good job of keeping this blog up to date! Unfortunately, or fortunately, I've been REALLY busy lately. I went home to Kansas City to see my family and friends, moved to a new house on the other side of campus, and have been spending lots and lots of time at church events and hanging out with friends, learning about God and this life he's given me. I finished reading Ezekiel, and if you haven't read it, you should! It's really incredible how God has brought us out of our sinful and helpless state to a place where we are free and clean and forgiven. So, needing something to read, I decided to move to the New Testament and started to read Matthew. I've been really enjoying reading Jesus' words and teachings and seeing how people reacted to him then and how I can apply that to my life now.

Matthew 18:3-4
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Humility has been addressed time and time again in many sermons that I've heard over the years, but it's never failed to convict me. Pride gets in the way of so many things that God wants for us, and until we can overcome pride and become humble like a child, then we're going to miss out on many of God's blessings. Just the other day, I was reading this passage in Matthew and it struck me again, how truly humble we're called to be.

But this isn't just because God says so, He calls us to this because he himself is humble. The bible says that Christ is gentle and humble in spirit. The God of the universe is humble enough to send his beloved son in human form to the earth. It's crazy to think about that.

It's also easy to think of ourselves as nothing compared to God. God is GOD. He made the universe. We are definitely very very small compared to him. But what about other people? Are we thinking of ourselves as less than those around us? Or are we keeping others down, even unintentionally, so that we are seen as better, or even more popular? I know I struggle with thinking that if I have nothing in common with someone, it's okay to just not reach out and befriend them. If you dig deep enough, there is always something you have in common with whoever you meet. Some people more than others, but showing Christ's love doesn't mean just saying hi and walking away. It means really having tough maybe awkward conversations that really show them that you're interested in who they are and what they think. It means talking to them enough to share life and share the Good News with them.

So no matter how crazy life gets, it's not our story that's the big picture. Much love amigos!

Trust, if you Love

Trust is a big deal in every single relationship that we are in. No matter if the relationship is with our friends, our siblings, our significant others, our parents, or our God. When we can't trust another person, it's impossible to open up to them and be vulnerable, and really be loved. Tonight, I heard a message about love, and one of the verses quoted was 1 Corinthians 13:7, "[love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

In our relationships with others, it's important to trust each other to show each other that we love them. We have to trust even when we least feel like it. Most importantly, we must trust God! I was talking with a friend yesterday about how much blessing I have received from trusting God with his plan for my life. So many times I think that my plan is the best one...and it really never is. By trusting God, we show him that we love him! Love always trusts.

Time and time again I've seen people that trust in themselves alone to get a job, get married, or just start dating. I've even done it myself in the past. We trust in ourselves to figure out the best way to handle a situation or even decide on a school. And sometimes, it even turns out okay. But just okay is not what I want for my life. I want my life to scream God's power and might. I want my life story to be cool because it's so apparent what God did and I didn't do. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding." We as humans really don't understand much, in all honesty and humility. It's like when I was hurt by a church that was only trying to help me grow in my relationship with Christ by putting all my energy into one church. God had such a huge plan for me that I couldn't see at the time, but in trusting him, I was so blessed! Story after story reveals how much we can trust God. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." We can really trust him, because he promised us! He will never leave us or forsake us, and he has a plan for us. He has a plan for our friendships, our future marriages or singleness, our jobs, and our hearts.

So I'm trusting God. And it's not necessarily easy, but from all I've seen and heard, its worth it. It's even commanded. So in the little and big things, trust in God, lean on him, and he will never let you fall.

What does it mean to be wise?

Well...it's July! I can't believe how fast this summer is going. Before we know it we'll all be buying school supplies like 6th graders. Well, maybe not. But I will be. Anyways, I've been SUPER busy the past week or so, thus explaining my lack of posts.

So lately, I've been reading Ezekiel. Which is crazy...if you haven't read it, you should! I'm learning so much from it. Ezekiel 11:19-20 says, "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people and I will be their God." This is a really incredible promise. The people of Israel turned away from God and in the midst of their rebellion, and in the midst of his anger, he promises this. He never gives up on Israel, no matter how many times they turn their backs on Him.

But what has really caught my attention this week has been James 3:17. It says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." If we want to be wise, really wise, not wise from worldly standards, then we need to work on these things. Ok correction, I need to work on these things.

Purity of mind and spirit and attitude. Seeking peace in every situation, even when it would be easy to start and argument. Considerate of the people around us. Considerate enough to value others above ourselves. Submissive. Which doesn't have to be negative! The world has twisted the meaning of submission to mean something VERY different from how God intends submission to be. Really, submission is a beautiful way to serve and respect the people around us that are in authority. Full of mercy. Mercy for those that are lost. Mercy for those that hurt me. Mercy for those that make mistakes, just like me. Full of good fruit. There should be good fruit coming from wisdom! If we are wise, we should be able to have an affect on those around us. Our actions and attitudes should change outwardly. Impartial. We should treat all of our brothers and sisters the same. I think that we can be better friends with some people than others, but we shouldn't treat anyone with less love and acceptance just because we don't know them as well. Sincere. Oh sincerity. Not being fake with people; being okay with being myself.

Ultimately, I want to be wise. I want Godly wisdom that will make me a strong and Godly woman. I want to be all of the things that James says that wisdom from heaven looks like. And if I want that, these are the things that I must work on. Nowhere does it say that I have to know a whole bunch of random facts or even a lot of facts about one thing. James doesn't say that I have to be an intellectual to be wise. And although I do value learning, I realize that it takes a whole lot more to really be wise.

Remember, remember

Hey y'all! Today I'm writing from the beautiful city of Stillwater, Oklahoma, where I'm visiting my amazing younger sister. So far I'm having a great time, but I didn't want to forget about this because I wanted to share some thoughts about what I've learned this week!

On Tuesday nights at Vintage, we are watching a video series on the Christian worldview called The Truth Project. You should check it out if you can, because it's really good! I've learned so much and I haven't even been able to see all of them. So there's my plug for the Truth Project.

This past Tuesday, we learned about History. In high school, I loved history (I even considered being a history teacher, but instead I decided on English teacher). I loved learning about people and how their actions somehow affected the world enough to be put into text books. But a lot of times, we forget how exciting the history of the Bible can be. There are books and books about God's people and how God moves among them. Not only are the facts more credible than any text book, but the inspiration of what God does for his people is incredible.

But the Bible is also full of God's people forgetting what God has done for them. They believe lies and are deceived, much like we are. And much like them, we have little excuse for forgetting. They had firsthand experience of God's wonders, but we have firsthand experience, as well as the written word of God!

One of the major points of the video was that we need to remember our history, or His Story, because otherwise, we're lost. We as a people have no identity, and no wisdom to address the future. Life becomes meaningless when we only think of ourselves. But when we remember our history, God's story, then there is a past that we can learn from and apply to the future.

So, remember what God has done for us for centuries. Remember the mercy. Remember the suffering and love of Christ. Remember how he brought you out of sin and gave you a new start. I was thinking about my testimony because it's my turn to share it at our Sunday night dinners. And it reminded me of how much I owe Him. It reminded me that just "doing the right thing" isn't good enough. These things we know, but we don't always remember. So remember. Remember how far God has brought you. Look back in his word to remember His story and the beauty of the God we serve.

Peace, y'all!

Sought Out Surrender

Nothing Like

Lately, I've been realizing how much I've taken for granted in this life. There are still so many things that I don't realize just how blessed I am to have them. Food. Water. Money. Home. Family. Friends.

I have the best friends. They are absolutely incredible. And it pains me to think of life without them. I don't know exactly where I'd be without them. When I was young, I was hurt so badly by my friends that I was alone. Except for God. And when I turned to him, he gave me one friend. I don't find my identity or my foundation in my friends, but when I turned to God, he has in turn blessed me incredibly.

My friends, in turn, have brought me so much closer to God. They've shown me their weaknesses and their strengths and lent me strength in my own weakness. They are a blessing from God that I do not deserve. They are my sister by blood, my sisters in Christ, my brothers in Christ. They aren't just friends; they're family. And I know that I can count on them to help me through hard times. I think of how much God has used them in my life. I know that with God, I am never alone, and he has provided companionship and friendship for me through them .They are the best friends. And someday, our relationships might change with time and distance, but I know that our bond in Christ will hold us together no matter what might come our way. Friendship isn't easy, but it's worth it. It's worth every humble apology and painstaking conversation. So, the other day, I wrote this for them. About them. Love, the kind that Christ showed, is what keeps this world afloat in times of grief, sorrow, pain, suffering. Only he is truly capable of loving the way that love was made to be, but in loving like Christ as best we can, we can affect the world, one friend at a time.

Nothing Like

There's nothing like the pain
of this world,
that seeps through every crack
just like the inevitability of rain.

There's nothing like loss-
losing what you took for granted-
and it's gone, just like anything,
while gravestones hide under moss.

But then, there's nothing like the song
my heart sings-beautiful harmony
when laughing with friends
in hours short we wish were long.

Through the pain, what sets us free
is the love of One that suffered more,
and the love of the ones who know
when I want to laugh and still cry with me.